The First and the Final -- 29 July 2014

The strangest feelings ever. Weird thoughts. Deep fear. Abiding hope. Going home... what?

Hello, All! This will be my last email to you as a missionary....

I think there's a lot I should say... there's definitely a lot that I could say... just...

Don't rob yourself.

There. That's what I would say.

If you're serving a mission, don't miss a minute, not a single moment, because the end comes---so much faster than you could ever bear to want it to. I think That's been the harshest reality of the past few days, the reality of the end.

But it's not really over, is it?

No.

Honestly, when I'm home, you may not recognize me. You may not know who I am anymore, and I think that's okay. Maybe you won't like who I've become, or how I act differently. You might be surprised by my testimony, my maturity (one way or another), or how I look. I am different than before, you know---the things that were good are better. The things that were bad are slowly departing, and two years is a long time for medication to work its wonders on the human soul.

This really doesn't make any sense... :) Haha

I've been asked a lot the past few weeks what the biggest lessons I've learned are. If I could list them they'd look like this (color coded for your benefit):

1. It doesn't matter nearly as much what you do as it does who you are, because who you are will completely determine what you do.

2. Jesus Christ is the Son of God---that statement is too overused and not well enough understood, but it is eternally significant---essential, and it is He who has determined who we could, and should be.

3. The most important thing you can do is be obedient to everything that God asks you to do.

4. If you live by the power of the Holy Ghost, you will become who you are meant to be and do what you ought to be doing.

5. God's plan is bigger than our plan, and if His plan is more important to us than our plan, we will be bigger than we could ever dream in this life and in the next.

6. Understanding the first 5 things, means understanding that "giving up" your favorite sins, weaknesses, broken mission rules, and incorrect behaviors is an essential step to achieving complete joy in this life and eternal life in the next.

7. We are the sum total of the choices that we make.

8. We are all gods with the potential of being a lot bigger in this life than we allow ourselves to be.

9. We have the ability to choose who we will become.

10. We are our only limitation to our potential.

I feel like if you get this, you get why I've grown the way I've grown. If you don't get it, study it, because it will change your life.

Finally, I just want to say that I know that God lives, that Jesus Christ performed the Atonement---that He is who He says He is.
I know by the power of the Holy Ghost that the Book of Mormon is true. Therefore, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is God's kingdom on the earth, and no man is capable of reaching heaven except through the authority that was restored to its first leaders through the prophet Joseph Smith---that authority, which came from Jesus Christ, is now held by Thomas S. Monson.

I will never forget or turn back.

I really really really love you all! See you soon.

Rock on. Believe Him.

Peace. Love. and Temple Marriage. In that order.

Your friend, servant, son, and brother,

Elder Taylor J. Hill

The Gift -- 21 July 2014

Today my cup feels a little like it's overflowing and a little like it is so empty.

Last night we went over to one of our investigator's homes. In the house there are 6 men. When we got there 3 of them were drunk, including our investigator. There was booze in their breath, eyes, speech, and walk... We went in, hoping to find one of them who was not quite so intoxicated (they're all potential investigators) and we sat down.  One of the brothers in the house commented to our investigator, "James (name changed), you are lucky to have people who love you. They come here because they love you. You are lucky."

You know, there is a lot that I could wish people to understand. I wish everyone understood the plan of salvation, or why having a family was such a blessing. I wish everyone understood that the book of mormon didn't take anything away from the bible. I wish everyone understood that the Gospel of Jesus Christ was restored, but if I had to pick and choose from one gift of understanding that I could possibly hope to help someone understand, it is that I am only ever there because I love them.

I do not ever want anyone to be confused about why I email, or talk, or do anything. I am obedient because I love you. I am an example because I love you. I am a friend because I love you. I am reliable because I love you. I preach the gospel because I love you. I speak of Christ in my emails instead of me because I love you.

1.      Love for Christ

2.      Love from Christ

3. Love like Christ

Nephi was asked by the Spirit the difficult question, "Knowest thou the condescension of God?"
Honestly, I doubt Nephi even understood the word condescension. But this is how he responded, 17 And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.
There is a gift that has been given to each of us. The gift that I have been experiencing every day of my mission---
16 ¶For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
I know this email maybe doesn't make a lot of sense... I know I don't always make a lot of sense... I know that I have my mistakes and faults and fears and wishes, and that my mistakes and wishes may be very different than yours, but if I could ask anyone to just understand one thing I would ask that they take the time to understand God's love. Love from Him. Love for Him. and Love like Him.
That is the true gift of missionary service, it is that we come to know God's love in God's way. I know that God lives. I know that He loves us. I know that he wants us to be happy. I know that I love Him. I know that I don't always show him my love the way I should. I know that He loves you, and if we will all turn to him, we will have his love in our hearts.

Q: So, Elder Hill, how do you feel about going home?
A: Honestly? Sometimes I'm excited, sometimes I'm just really sad, but mostly I just don't think about it very much. A scripture was once shared with me from the Doctrine and Covenants which in effect taught me to serve in every area like I'm never going to leave that area. To unpack my bags, settle in and work as though I'm going to be in that ward forever. It's the "middle of the mission" mentality. Heavenly Father has blessed me to not be very trunky, and to be able to focus on the work. I can't even begin to express how grateful I am for that.
Q: Don't lie, Elder Hill! We know when it's quiet and you're on your own, you are just singing for joy! Isn't there something your excited for?
A: :) Absolutely. There's a lot I'm excited for. I'm excited to see my family, to be with my brother, to hug my momma, to meet my Sisters' fiance and my new brother in law, to eat Cafe Rio (!), to go to the temple every week, to prove that I can live this gospel every day, to be there for my friends, to sleep (cause that hasn't happened in a long time), to run (and not be fat at weak), and to work on a car with my dad again. 

Rock on. Peace, love, and temple marriage. In that order.

Elder Hill

This Is Insane -- 14 July 2014

This is insane.

But it is so beautiful.

God is so great.

And I have grown so much.

And I'm still not done. :)

I wish somehow that we could all have a moment to talk... about life. About how you are, and about how much you are loved by me. I wish we could sit and talk about what you want and where you're going and how you plan to get there and we could sit and have it like good old times, because I wish every day that I could be there for you like you've all been there for me. But, Honestly, I think you all know what I would say to you if we were talking. :) If I could possibly have a moment with you, I would want you just to know how much I love you and that I've got your back.

I really love you all. I think you ought to know that I know that the gospel is true. That Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I have learned by the power of the Holy Ghost that the book of Mormon is true, and that that book as brought me closer to God and to my savior Jesus Christ than any other book, and that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is God's church and kingdom on the earth.

If you have anything you want to talk with me about, you are always welcome to email me. Always. In fact, I love hearing from you, no matter what.

I love you so much. I'll see you all soon.

Rock on. Peace. Love. and Temple Marriage. In that order.

Elder Taylor J. Hill

Weddings, Weldings, Cows, and Calls -- 7 July 2014

Well, first item of business:  Congratulations to my older sister, Briana, who has just made the most important decision of her life in the right place, at the right time, with the right man. :)

My mission has taught me a lot about work. I've done farming, ranching, mechanical, and quite a few other forms of work. Missionary work is easy physically (as long as you do your 30 minutes of exercise and you stretch every time you work hard), but I'll tell you, the things we do for people!

Someday when I'm home and you're all asking me about my mission stories, you'll have to ask me about the time we tattooed cattle. I think I told you Elder S's (shout out!) analogy about how we find and how it relates to branding cattle. There's the easy way and the hard way. The hard way is wrestling them down one at a time and holding them there as they squirm. The easy way is putting them through a chute where you push them through one at a time and do it as they are pinned by a machine.

According to Elder S, when you find the hard way, you get covered in crap, you get kicked by cattle, and you are exhausted by the end of the day, but you feel like a cowboy (or a missionary). But, in my experience, when you push them through the chute, you still get covered in crap, you get kicked by cattle, and you are exhausted at the end of the day, and you feel like a cowboy. The difference is simply quantity.

You missionaries out there... feel free to consider the analogy and let me know what you come up with.

Life's good.

Maybe I've shared this story before, but it's something that I'm learning and I think is important to share. Maybe it's not even a true story, but it still teaches important truths.

In the 1500's there was a gentleman by the name of Hernan Cortes. You may know that our friend Cortes is responsible for the fall of (and the annihilation of) the Aztec empire.

There was a reason for this, he wasn't some genocidal maniac thirsting for the blood of a foreign nation, rather he was seeking for something else. Aztec treasure (I'm not saying that that justifies the genocide that happened, just focus on the symbolism and quit worrying about the details). Many others before Cortes had sought the wealth of the New World, but Cortes was exceptional. He understood something that nobody else did. As long as you leave a way back home, you'll never fight like you have nothing to go back to.

So, what did Cortes do? He burned the ships that could take them home. Burned the boats.

You can imagine that his men were either really discouraged or really really motivated. They must have immediately recognized that unless they conquered, they likely would not return home. So, they fought like they wanted victory more than anything else. Because they burned the boats behind them, they gave more than anyone else had given before.

Cortes, obviously, won the treasure.

Well, there's an awful lot that could be said about this, relating to missionary work and life, but I'd just like to share a quote from Elder Holland. "There is something in us, at least in too many of us, that particularly fails to forgive and forget earlier mistakes in life—either mistakes we ourselves have made or the mistakes of others. That is not good. It is not Christian. It stands in terrible opposition to the grandeur and majesty of the Atonement of Christ. To be tied to earlier mistakes—our own or other people’s—is the worst kind of wallowing in the past from which we are called to cease and desist....

Now, like the Anti-Nephi-Lehies of the Book of Mormon, bury your weapons of war, and leave them buried. Forgive, and do that which is harder than to forgive: Forget. And when it comes to mind again, forget it again.

You can remember just enough to avoid repeating the mistake, but then put the rest of it all on the dung heap Paul spoke of to those Philippians. Dismiss the destructive and keep dismissing it until the beauty of the Atonement of Christ has revealed to you your bright future and the bright future of your family and your friends and your neighbors. God doesn’t care nearly as much about where you have been as He does about where you are and, with His help, where you are willing to go. That is the thing Lot’s wife didn’t get—and neither did Laman and Lemuel and a host of others in the scriptures."

Our lives are things to be enjoyed, do yourself and others a favor. Burn the Boats. Leave the past in the past and just be who you ought to be. Be where you ought to be. And be there when you ought to be there. Leave the past behind you, and look forward with faith. Whether you're a trunky missionary, or one who is afraid to go home because you don't want to slip back into the past. Maybe you're hurting because of something that someone has done to you. Please, just let it go. Allow the Atonement to be yours. Allow Him in.

Burn the boats.

I love you all!

Rock on. Peace. Love. Temple Marriage. In that order.


Elder Hill