Learning and Growing -- 28 April 2014

The past week has been one of work. Just honest hardcore missionary work. As my friend ex-elder Seth Sorenson would say, "When you work like that, at the end of the day you feel like a cowboy." It's true, by the time you're done, you're pooped. I'm trying to figure out how to mold both methods of work.

I'd like to share something with you that I sent to my mission president this week.
"I've really been having difficulty connecting myself to the work. I'm not trunky. I'm not "checked out." I'm just having a hard time putting myself in the work with a vision of WHY I'm doing it. Intellectually I understand, but it's not really emotionally connecting, as a result, the Spirit hasn't been as close as I would hope. I think this is a normal thing, if the rest of my mission is a judge. You aren't always driven by super-human power that pushes you to do incredible things. I've really been searching within myself---having to dig deep to just do it. Waking up on time, being obedient, etc. haven't been a problem, don't worry. But I think I have Elder K a little concerned because of some of the symptoms, I suppose of my struggles. Things like forgetting my watch, and not caring enough to grab it, and then being in an appointment for too long. Oh well, I'm going to keep searching, keep working, and keep trying for as long as it takes.

I had a chance to speak to the ward yesterday in Sacrament meeting. When I got there, I was only going to need to fill 10-15 minutes. As advised, I had prepared, but I hadn't come really with anything super specific, so that God could really do the speaking, and not me. Well, when I stood to speak I had 35 minutes to fill. That was a little intimidating, but not impossible by God's reckoning, I'm sure. So, I spoke for between 20-25 minutes and honestly felt like I had said everything I needed to. I testified and sat down, and the bishop called on a member to speak. She did an incredible job and said exactly what needed to be said in addition to everything that had already gone around.

My point of the story is simply that I know that God knows best. Sometimes the things we do can be very intimidating and difficult---scary even. But, if we will simply open our mouths, we can have the confidence that God will, and does fill them. He never leaves us alone or helpless. It's a lesson I've learned again and again.

I sure do love Him.... and I'm really trying... even though I fail a lot, I'm not going to give up. Ever."

You know, God didn't always promise that this life was going to be full of roses, but rather that he would equip us with the tools we needed to work through mistakes, suffering, and struggles we would endure. The promise he gave us, to strengthen us even so that we could not feel their burdens on our backs (see Mosiah 24:12-17). I don't want you to think that I'm some wise, all knowing, mature missionary who has the answers to every life question. I struggle. Often, but you know---I just can't find it in myself to ever give up. He didn't give up on me. So, yes it can be hard. And maybe I can struggle to be happy, positive, or motivated sometimes. And honestly, I don't know what you'll all think when you meet me again once I'm home... but what I know is that I will not stop trying to just be good, in the best way that I know how, and hopefully that will lead me to love more deeply, speak more purely, and all in all, be better than I've ever been before.

I know that Christ lives and that He loves us. He always keeps his promises.

So, Believe Him. Rock on. and you will have

Peace, love, and temple marriage. Probably in that order. :)

Elder Taylor J. Hill

Because of Him -- 21 April 2014

I don't know how many of you have seen that video... the one that I've attached at the bottom of the screen, but it is about the Savior, and it is amazing.

This week was a test of faith. Our mission released new Standards of Excellence which requires 3 hours of personal finding every day. I know for a lot of you out there, you're like, "Three hours? That's pansy work!" But in this mission, it's a lot. I've filled my time my whole mission doing phone calls, teaching less-actives, working with investigators (usu. from referrals or random miracles), and working with members. Personal finding was always the very last resort. Now, it's the number 1 priority. So, with my usual poorly girded attitude we hit the pavement this week, and on our first house found a new investigator. :) God telling me---"Don't worry, kid. I've got you. I always have, and I always will."

My attitude has rapidly changed. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm stoked about personal finding, but I know that whenever I do it, I will be blessed. More than that, I've learned a lot about who I really am. A little of my old self is creeping out as I begin contacting. I just get this urge to yell across the street and say, "What's up!?" or "Yo! I've got a seriously beautiful slice of awesome running in my hand here, you in?" Somehow, I don't think the old people of Creston could really handle that, but I bet if I was a little more willing to just be my best self, the same guy who could just walk up to anyone in Jamba Juice, Zupas, Cafe Rio, or even across the dance floor and just start talking, would be the guy who would have the most success in picking up investigators.

That said, sometimes when I contact, I feel like I have ulterior motives, like---"The only reason I'm talking with you right now is because I need to share the Gospel with you!" Instead of, "I honestly really love you and have genuine concern and desire for your overall happiness. I know this Gospel is true and I want to share it with you." While both are good desires, I think the latter is the preferred contact, simply because it is out of real love.

So, this is where I need your help---does anyone have suggestions about how I can better incorporate the love I do feel for people into the contacting we do?

I don't really know what else to say this week... other than that I know that God really does intend to change us. Our natures. Our whole selves. Really, when we consider what really is possible because of Him, we must begin to admit that our desires that stem as a result of our Savior's existence is to truly do and be the impossible. For me, I want to be a man---- not just like a big burly dude with chest hair and a beard---but a man. A real man. I don't really know how describe it other than an attitude and an understanding of knighthood. Chivalry. Dignity. Faith. Hope. Courageous. Yet, humble.... and not yielding to temptation or addiction. Bridled, and powerful in His priesthood. Magnifying and Glorifying God, and not himself. Well... that sounds like a big ticket, but if you're wondering what I desire because of Him---it's that. And I'm not afraid to dream big, because I know that my God is quite a bit bigger than all of that. After all, "God is eagerly waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can’t if you don’t pray, and He can’t if you don’t dream. In short, He can’t if you don’t believe."

I love you all. Dream big.

Believe Him.

And Rock on.

Peace. Love. Temple Marriage. In that order.

Elder Hill

Almost Back to the "Green" -- 14 April 2014

Hello dear friends!

This week I've received a lot of welcome news from all of you. I hope you know that I love you and that I'm proud to know you!

I don't have a ton to say this week. BC is green, wonderful, and has helped me a lot be on the straight and narrow---so to speak.

So, without much further ado, I just want to testify. I believe in a Living Savior "who invites us to come unto him and be transformed." I love him. I have come to know him. I love His Father---my God---who has done everything in His power to save us. I know they are real. By the power of the holy ghost, I have learned the truthfulness of the things that I teach. That witness becomes ever more undeniable every time I teach the doctrine of Christ. I know there was a restoration---there was an apostasy but God has never given up on His children and He won't start now nor will he ever. His work with us will not end until He has saved every willing soul. He is in this for the long haul---and so am I.

I hope you know that if you need anything--- ANYTHING. You can count on this guy, right here---Elder Taylor J. Hill to help you out. And if I can't be there, I will find someone who can. And if they can't help---I know just the man.

I love you all.

Believe. Rock on. Peace. Love. Temple Marriage.

In that order.

Elder Hill

Let it begin; Of Courage, Callings, and Covenants and Of Heroes, Helpers, and Holiness -- 7 April 2014

I hope the Spirit will guide me as I email this week.

The past 2 weeks have been an interesting turn in my mission life. It's certainly been an adventure, going from a lot of administrative duty to being actively engaged in an area again without much leadership responsibility at all. I keep finding things that can be done and thinking of ways to do them, then realizing that it's neither in my job or my stewardship, so trying to be productive has been an issue.

And so, what is it I have to say? Well, not a whole lot. All I really want to say is that I know the Gospel is true. It's been a blessing in my life. Which I think is a vague statement. It's been a blessing in many ways. It was a blessing to see pictures of my best friends living the Gospel. It has been a blessing to serve my God. It has been a blessing to feel the Spirit, which really is the "unspeakable gift." A feeling that leaves me feeling stronger, more hopeful, and most importantly---loved.

My challenges have reverted back to the simple ones from the beginning of my mission---opening my mouth being the big one. 6 months really did a doosy on me, but here's where I'm at: "Courage becomes a worthwhile and meaningful virtue when it is regarded not so much as a willingness to die manfully, but as a determination to live decently." (President Monson---I know of 4 talks that he's said that in now.) It's right about time I kicked it into sixth gear. It's about time we all did. Too often we are afraid to do what's right, so afraid that we allow our voices to be stomped into the dirt. As my companion reminds me often---"If Satan can simply bind the tongues of the faithful, he will have won." (Jeffrey R. Holland)

Well, he's not winning on this watch. Not now, not ever. Courage is still necessary, but I have been called of God to do his work and His will, in His way. Not only that, but I have covenanted to do so. I want to be a hero. I want to stand taller and stronger. I sincerely desire to be the helper that Christ can depend on to do his work. I hope to be able to say, like President Monson, "The sweetest experience I know in life is to feel a prompting and act upon it and later find out that it was the fulfillment of someone’s prayer or someone’s need. And I always want the Lord to know that if He needs an errand run, Tom Monson will run that errand for Him."

I hope we all will defy Satan. Don't let him silence you or push you around. Rise up. "Stand higher lift those with feeble knees, hold up the arms of those that hang down. Live the Gospel of Jesus Christ."

That is my commitment to you all this week, and to my Heavenly Father. I will not be silenced.

I love you all.

Believe him. Peace. Love. And Temple Marriage. In that Order.

Elder Hill