Zone Conference

Thinking of Being Small -- 9 June 2014

When I was little I was always guilty of coming up with great ideas like, "Let's go get ice cream!" My siblings and I would scream, "You'll scream, I'll scream, we'll all scream for ice cream!!!" And we'd skip up the stairs in a beautiful harmonious line, skipping and singing with joy, only for our worlds to come to  a screeching halt as we all realized, "Someone's got to be the one to ask...."

You all know that conversation. "I'm not going to ask, you ask!" "I'm too scared to ask, you ask!" "Well... I don't really want ice cream that much anyway..." Until the youngest (who has the most courage, because---let's be honest---he was still cute, and the rest of us were no longer toddlers), Landon, would pipe up and say, "I'll ask!"

And so, we would all timidly creep as a small children's group into our parent's room where we would shove our little brother forward and huddle behind him with the bravest scaredest, smiles we could muster. And he would do what little brothers do, fidget his little hands, look at the ground,  shuffle around, and say, "Um mom, dad um we were um wondering...."

"Yes?" the reply would come.

"Um... could we please... um.... go get some um...ice cream, please?"

:) Come on, mom and dad, how on earth did you resist that?

I don't know, but this week has been good. I've been sick for a few weeks battling tonsillitis, a cold, and some fever, but I seem to finally be pulling out of it. It's hard to sit in the apartment, and it's even hard to work when your exhausted from being sick. It ruins your sleep schedule and you find yourself fighting that age-old missionary battle---will you wake up at 6:30? Well, yes. Yes I will, even if it kills me. Stupid Satan. I really don't like that guy.

Since I've been here we've been working with this potential investigator. We've invited her to church, done service for her, offered to teach her, received 2 referrals from her, and she just hasn't done anything for her own progression. So, we've developed a pretty good relationship with her anyway, despite the fact that she hasn't been responding to our constant invitations. So, we figured we'd try again. We invited her to church after going over and helping to trim her lilac's (a job that I will probably be doing for the rest of my life---thanks mom for teaching me). Then she said, "Sure, where is it?"

My heart almost stopped as I joyously gave her the information for church and excitedly learned 2 simple lessons, 1. People are a lot more likely to accept invitations that come from someone who they know genuinely loves and cares about them than they are from the stranger on the street, and 2. Persistent follow up is key. The worst they can say is no, right?

Which leads me back to the story of asking mom and dad for ice cream. :D I don't think I was scared of mom and dad. I think I was scared of hearing "No." That word makes my heart break when it relates to ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, and girls. However, when it comes to missionary work, the word "No" doesn't scare me so much. Of course it still breaks my heart, but true missionary work actually begins. When I invite someone to be baptized, to come to church, to learn... when they say, "No." I have learned that one of the greatest acts of love that any of us can perform is to be the one that asks, "Why not?" and then doesn't give up just because they were let down once. True love doesn't quit. Charity never faileth.

And, it helps to be cute when you extend invitations.

That was a joke---it doesn't help that much.

I love you all!

Rock on! Peace! Love! and Temple Marriage! In that order

Elder Hill

"Uh-Oh" -- 2 June 2014

"What?"
"Elder Hill found something in the Scriptures that has never clicked before....."

"And?"

"I'm never going to hear the end of it..."

Are you ready? :D

Moses chapter six begins by laying out the generations of Adam down to his great great great great grandson Enoch. You know Enoch? Righteous guy, had a city, all went up into heaven? Yeah, that guy. Well, in this chapter, God calls Enoch to be a Prophet. Saying :
27 And he heard a voice from heaven, saying: Enoch, my son, prophesy unto this people, and say unto them—Repent, for thus saith the Lord: I am angry with this people, and my fierce anger is kindled against them; for their hearts have waxed hard, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes cannot see afar off;
28 And for these many generations, ever since the day that I created them, have they gone astray, and have denied me, and have sought their own counsels in the dark; and in their own abominations have they devised murder, and have not kept the commandments, which I gave unto their father, Adam.
29 Wherefore, they have foresworn themselves, and, by their oaths, they have brought upon themselves death; and a hell I have prepared for them, if they repent not;
30 And this is a decree, which I have sent forth in the beginning of the world, from my own mouth, from the foundation thereof, and by the mouths of my servants, thy fathers, have I decreed it, even as it shall be sent forth in the world, unto the ends thereof.

That's all gotta be hard.Can you imagine being the guy that has to say all of that? the bible dictionary explains the role of an old testament prophet:

The work of a Hebrew prophet was to act as God’s messenger and make known God’s will. The message was usually prefaced with the words “Thus saith Jehovah.” He taught men about God’s character, showing the full meaning of His dealings with Israel in the past. It was therefore part of the prophetic office to preserve and edit the records of the nation’s history; and such historical books as Joshua, Judges, 1 and 2 Samuel, 1 and 2 Kings were known by the Jews as the former Prophets. It was also the prophet’s duty to denounce sin and foretell its punishment and to redress, so far as he could, both public and private wrongs. He was to be, above all, a preacher of righteousness. When the people had fallen away from a true faith in Jehovah, the prophets had to try to restore that faith and remove false views about the character of God and the nature of the divine requirement.

That is quite the call.

At this point you're saying (if you've actually read this far---if so I congratulate you and will owe you a hug), "Elder Hill, this is all really nice boring information, why are you geeking out about it?"

Well, because of how Enoch responds.

31 And when Enoch had heard these words, he bowed himself to the earth, before the Lord, and spake before the Lord, saying: Why is it that I have found favor in thy sight, and am but a lad, and all the people hate me; for I am slow of speech; wherefore am I thy servant?

In other words, "God, why me? I'm just a kid, just a social reject who can barely even talk, why would you want someone like me to be your servant?" or maybe more simply "God, I can't. I don't see it in me. You don't want me."

Well, does that sound familiar to you? Does it ever sound like your own voice? It sure does like mine, "I'm just a 21 year old kid! I can't even figure out how to follow the spirit well, and I don't know the bible. I'm scared, this is hard! The people here hate us... why would you put me here? Why would you choose me?" Not just from a missionary perspective, but I'm sure similar woes have been lamented by anyone who has ever held a calling that seemed even for a moment like a little too much for them to bear. Maybe motherhood or fatherhood can feel like too much. I'm sure there isn't an ocean big enough to hold the tears of righteous mothers all around the world who feel the weight of their divinely commissioned call to serve in the most intimate capacity any woman can be called to. Add that to bearing the burden of discipleship. In addition to all of those things there are some here who have difficult family situations, friends or siblings who've gone astray, companions that are hard to work with---in short paths that no one wants to walk, and footsteps that no one would care to follow.

Isn't it sometimes a little too much to bear? Yes... it often feels beyond my own mortal capacity to stand again and again and fight for what I believe and desire to do, never mind the personal challenges and concerns that come just as a simple result of what I have been called to do.

Well, here the Lord gives a loving response to his fearful, frightened, under qualified son that I find very interesting:
32 And the Lord said unto Enoch: Go forth and do as I have commanded thee, and no man shall pierce thee. Open thy mouth, and it shall be filled, and I will give thee utterance, for all flesh is in my hands, and I will do as seemeth me good.
33 Say unto this people: Choose ye this day, to serve the Lord God who made you.
34 Behold my Spirit is upon you, wherefore all thy words will I justify; and the mountains shall flee before you, and the rivers shall turn from their course; and thou shalt abide in me, and I in you; therefore walk with me.

Or, "Do what I've asked, Enoch, and I promise it will work out. I will make it happen, just walk with me."

My dear friends, "God is eagerly waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can’t if you don’t pray, and He can’t if you don’t dream. In short, He can’t if you don’t believe." (Jeffrey R. Holland, "This, the Greatest of All Dispensations" July 2007, Ensign)

Whom the Lord calls, He qualifies. If you have been asked or called---whether by your priesthood leader, by God, or simply by the walks of life---to do something that you feel is beyond your capacity I promise you that God will help you as you stand in holy places. He promises that He "will go before your face. [He] will be on your right hand and on your left, and [His] Spirit shall be in your hearts, and [His] angels round about you, to bear you up." (D&C 84:88)

23 Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me. (D&C 19:23)

Walk with Him. I promise you that you will never ever be let down in the Lord's service. He will be with you. He will fight with you. He will never leave you alone to fall.

Stand.

I love you all!

Rock on. Peace, love, and temple marriage. In that order.

No Excerpts This Time -- 26 May 2014

Yesterday I was sitting in Sacrament meeting watching a few families take care of their kids. As I watched little kids take the sacrament, I wondered, "Why do they even need it? They aren't accountable..." Then I thought, "They've got to learn it somehow..."

If you know me much, you know that I probably spend a bit too much time in la-la land, but as I watched these families I began to think of what I wanted to do to someday teach my kids what the sacrament means. Now, I don't know a ton about little dudes, especially the really really really little ones (I can probably count on 1 hand how many times I've held babies... maybe it only actually takes a finger or two) but I think learning begins at the beginning (go figure). So, there I sat in la-la land imagining myself holding my first little dude. Imagining breaking off one tiny piece of bread, just little little little, and putting it in his (or her) mouth, whispering, "This is His body."       Somehow in that experience I had the strangest feeling that even though that future little dude would only be a few months old, he (or she) would understand exactly who I was talking about.

I snapped back to reality as the water began to be blessed, and I sat in simple awe as I contemplated the greatness of God, and my gratitude for what He has done for me. The water came to me only a few moments later and as I drank, I felt the Spirit whisper quietly, "This is His blood." And there I sat. His little one. His tiny tiny tiny little dude, learning the same lesson I was hoping to teach my child someday.

Oh, the blessings that have come into my life because the Savior allows and enables me to repent!

Repentance is simply confessing our sins (to God and to priesthood authority if needed) and promising to forsake them. When we do these things, we are filled with a desire to make them right. Let me tell you, the feeling of purity that comes from partaking of the sacrament worthily, having repented of everything I have ever done... it's addicting. It's incredible. It's powerful. It's one reason that I don't ever want to miss the sacrament.

"But Elder Hill, I can't remember everything bad I've ever done. How could I?"

My friend, if you honestly desire to repent, I invite you to put it to the test. Kneel down and ask the cover all----"Wilt thou please forgive me for everything I can't remember that I have done wrong?" and then, "Father, if there is anything that I have done wrong that needs to be repented of individually, wilt thou please bring it to my memory, so that I can make it right?" You will have things come to your mind, and as they do, you will need the courage to admit, "What I did was wrong." the courage to say, "I will fix this problem with the person I have wronged." actually intending to do it, and then have the courage to kneel back down once that is done and say, "I've done all I can, will you forgive me?" Don't be afraid to do this again and again.

If you do I promise in the name of Jesus Christ, as one of His representatives, that a new light will come into your life. Those you may have wronged along the way of your life will grow to love and respect you. You will feel closer to your Savior as you act upon those promptings. You will be more receptive to the feelings and impressions of the Holy Ghost. You will be a better missionary, a better friend, a better spouse, and a happier person in general. And if this process continues in your life, you will never again desire to miss Sacrament meeting.

After all, cleanliness is next to Godliness.

Thank you all for your love and support, I hope this helps.

Rock on. Peace, love, and temple marriage. In that order.

Elder Hill

p.s please don't think I'm mister perfect at this either, past emails are the evidence that that isn't true. Honestly even focusing in sacrament meeting is still a struggle for me, but if He can do it for me then He can do it for anyone in the world. I love you.

Always Growing -- 20 May 2014

Another Mission President Letter excerpt:

My family is doing well, I think. Life is moving forward at its own rate, but I'm doing the best I can to enjoy it here as long as I can. I continue to receive a lot of help and support from my family and my friends. I'm really glad I've been able to email my friends throughout my mission. Their emails, ideas, thoughts, and inspiration have really kept me afloat at times. There's definitely power in good friends.

I remember my first day in the mission, as I'm sure you do. We had had almost no sleep the night before, we missed our flights, we didn't end up at the mission home until almost 6 o'clock. We ate and ran to the church for our notice of first transfer meeting. I was barely awake, not really absorbing anything that was going on. Confused, grumpy, and still just hungry to have a good experience with the day. I knew then as well if not better than I know now that our success and reception to the Spirit are entire based on whether or not we would let it in. I remember being asked to bear my testimony---I didn't have much to say. Not because I didn't have a testimony---because I did, no doubt. But, maybe because at some point during that meeting I stopped worrying about what I thought, did, and desired... I only wanted to do and be what He wanted me to do and be. So, when I bore my testimony I'm sure it was only as simple as a sentence or two.

It wasn't the beginning. I think it started two weeks before I was set apart, testifying in front of the high council of what I knew and believed. Again, very simple... it was all I knew. Amazingly, all I knew then, is the same as all I know now. I know that God exists and that He loves us enough to give us first second and third and fourth chances through His son Jesus Christ. I am a product of second chances and the faith of a God in me.

Well, Hi everyone! I've really been searching and striving to do and be the best I can. On Saturday we only had one appointment (a dinner appointment) so guess what we did all day? What is Tracting and Street Contacting for 400? Ole. Interesting experience. As we were turning to return to our car (about a 45 minute walk away) we felt prompted to turn around. So... we did, we thought, "Maybe we were supposed to knock on this door, or that door.... or maybe there was someone else we missed?" So, we tried to listen to the spirit and be where we needed to be. Well, we ended up walking around the back side of the block back onto the main road probably only 300 feet from where we had stood 5 minutes earlier. We concluded that we just needed to go back toward our car, so, we again began to walk in that direction. Hold on I'll insert a visual aid.

​So, as we were on our way back to the car for the second time we were about to walk past this flea market, when we saw a few eccentric looking people. Me, being me, and liking anything that's even a little out of the ordinary, spoke up and complimented the animals on their heads and other feathered clothing with which they were adorned (I don't think there was any better way to say that). They (3) all smiled and accepted my compliment graciously. So, naturally, we brought up the gospel. They asked us why we did what we did. I told them a bit about how I gained my testimony and why I chose to serve a mission. The Spirit came and we were able to invite them to learn more (after we basically taught them the entire first lesson). We also offered a book of mormon.

Was good. They didn't accept, but you know what? The Spirit brought us there for a reason. I think that the Spirit prompted us to head toward our car again so that we would walk that way, and so we would talk with those people. I have no idea what kind of seeds we planted, but I know they were good. Miracles often feel small, but can have great impact on those we serve.

The Spirit prompts us and teaches us all in different ways, but I think the most common ways for me are just through my every day thoughts. He will often guide me using changing destinations, knowing that I will think "That's a great idea! Aren't I so smart?" Then on the way there, I'll have a prompting to stop and knock on this door, or talk with this person, or stop by this former investigator. And we will always end up where we need to be as we do so. kinda like....this.

Anyway, my testimony may be simple, but it is sure. I know God lives. I know he has given his son Jesus Christ for us. I believe in Him trust in Him. This is His work.

Love you!

Peace, love, and temple marriage. In that order.

Elder Hill

Happiness Is... -- 6 May 2014

Ice Cream. Laughter. Meaningful friendships. Powerful study. Tender mercies. Simple pleasures. The Spirit. Expressing yourself. Eating Chocolate Chip Cookies. Eating Sandwiches. Mexican food. Having purpose. Following Christ. Not being able to stand on your own. Giving it your all anyway. Falling. Standing back up. Having a testimony. Being looked after. Being prayed for. Praying for others. Trying to do your best. Rain. Rainbows. Sunshine. Hope. Feeling the love of God. Little dudes. My mom. My mission president. Never giving up. Standing between a rock and a hard place. Bearing witness. A companion who cares. Hoping it will work. Believing it will work. Having faith even when it doesn't work. Having a vision. Seeking the Hand of God. Following Christ. Doing His will. Courage. Fear. Being full. The piano. Singing. Knowing the hard things can be done. Enduring to the end. Repentance. My dad. My brother(s). The book of Mormon. Spiritual Guidance. Did I mention sandwiches and cookies?

Good morning my friends. How are you? Have you found a reason to celebrate lately? Such as: Chris' birthday, Star Wars day, Cinco de Mayo, being alive, getting married, etc? If not, I encourage you to find one. Not create one, but find something in your life that's worth celebrating.... "Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy."

This is another small paragraph from my letter to my mission president this week:

"This is dumb. I'm really honestly just tired of jumping back and forth from square 1 to square 99 over and over and over again. I don't know how to do this. Let's be honest, but I'm just done worrying about that. I'm so sick of the stress and never feeling like I'm good enough. I'm tired of wanting to give up but mentally just barging through my trials and challenges, convinced that I'm smart enough to handle them. This is Christ's work. Not mine. This is His power, not mine. So, if you're looking for me, I'll be back at square 1. If you're looking for Him, He'll be there with me. You'll probably find me on my knees... and you'll probably find Him right there with me. And when I stand up to do His work, it will be under His arm as this broken little child of God limps toward each door, and every other broken child, and invites them to stand under His arm with me."

So, if you're broken, join the club. And find reason to rejoice in the arms of the Savior. In the quoted words from a favorite talk of mine: "It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume. . . . it is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever."

If you're looking for me, I'll be celebrating. :) All will be well, and I will be standing taller as I allow him to strengthen my feeble knees.

I love you all.

Rock on.

Peace, love, and temple marriage.

Elder Hill

Learning and Growing -- 28 April 2014

The past week has been one of work. Just honest hardcore missionary work. As my friend ex-elder Seth Sorenson would say, "When you work like that, at the end of the day you feel like a cowboy." It's true, by the time you're done, you're pooped. I'm trying to figure out how to mold both methods of work.

I'd like to share something with you that I sent to my mission president this week.
"I've really been having difficulty connecting myself to the work. I'm not trunky. I'm not "checked out." I'm just having a hard time putting myself in the work with a vision of WHY I'm doing it. Intellectually I understand, but it's not really emotionally connecting, as a result, the Spirit hasn't been as close as I would hope. I think this is a normal thing, if the rest of my mission is a judge. You aren't always driven by super-human power that pushes you to do incredible things. I've really been searching within myself---having to dig deep to just do it. Waking up on time, being obedient, etc. haven't been a problem, don't worry. But I think I have Elder K a little concerned because of some of the symptoms, I suppose of my struggles. Things like forgetting my watch, and not caring enough to grab it, and then being in an appointment for too long. Oh well, I'm going to keep searching, keep working, and keep trying for as long as it takes.

I had a chance to speak to the ward yesterday in Sacrament meeting. When I got there, I was only going to need to fill 10-15 minutes. As advised, I had prepared, but I hadn't come really with anything super specific, so that God could really do the speaking, and not me. Well, when I stood to speak I had 35 minutes to fill. That was a little intimidating, but not impossible by God's reckoning, I'm sure. So, I spoke for between 20-25 minutes and honestly felt like I had said everything I needed to. I testified and sat down, and the bishop called on a member to speak. She did an incredible job and said exactly what needed to be said in addition to everything that had already gone around.

My point of the story is simply that I know that God knows best. Sometimes the things we do can be very intimidating and difficult---scary even. But, if we will simply open our mouths, we can have the confidence that God will, and does fill them. He never leaves us alone or helpless. It's a lesson I've learned again and again.

I sure do love Him.... and I'm really trying... even though I fail a lot, I'm not going to give up. Ever."

You know, God didn't always promise that this life was going to be full of roses, but rather that he would equip us with the tools we needed to work through mistakes, suffering, and struggles we would endure. The promise he gave us, to strengthen us even so that we could not feel their burdens on our backs (see Mosiah 24:12-17). I don't want you to think that I'm some wise, all knowing, mature missionary who has the answers to every life question. I struggle. Often, but you know---I just can't find it in myself to ever give up. He didn't give up on me. So, yes it can be hard. And maybe I can struggle to be happy, positive, or motivated sometimes. And honestly, I don't know what you'll all think when you meet me again once I'm home... but what I know is that I will not stop trying to just be good, in the best way that I know how, and hopefully that will lead me to love more deeply, speak more purely, and all in all, be better than I've ever been before.

I know that Christ lives and that He loves us. He always keeps his promises.

So, Believe Him. Rock on. and you will have

Peace, love, and temple marriage. Probably in that order. :)

Elder Taylor J. Hill