I love you all did you know that? I'm trying to get caught
up, believe me, but you should know that I do love you.
Well, I'm doing my best right now to get the missionary work
under control over here. We've been working a lot with other missionaries
recently, and especially spending a lot of time in the office. We've been
getting programs working correctly (talents that I never thought I would be
using on my mission) running backups and preparing the office for an upgrade.
Yesterday we were in the office doing paperwork until 6:30, then we had a
dinner appointment and a less-active lesson. I find that one thing I really
miss is having consistent personal studies. I can really see it affecting my
teaching and the general spirit I feel throughout the day. I don't know how I
went through life before without consistent studies... it's always the lift,
the boost that I need. I find happiness and peace in greater measure when I
study the Gospel. I find that I am always given what I should say, even in
situations that don't seem like such a big deal.
I had a sweet experience a few weeks ago. We had just had a
training on the new church program, "Adjusting to Missionary Life."
Basically, it's a new book all about learning to deal with stress, especially
in the mission field. In the training we did role plays where we took time to
talk with a missionary who was struggling with personal issues. Issues like
home-sickness, depression, frustration, stress, discouragement, and
disobedience. We discussed the affect that we could have on individuals who are
battling said issues and we talked about things that we found helpful when we were
struggling. Then we practiced helping other missionaries. Well, later that
evening we went on an exchange with some other missionaries in our zone. The
missionary that I was with was really hurting for various reasons, and I could
tell. To make matters worse, we were in a meeting with his Ward Mission Leader
who was just tearing him apart. I stood up for him, in the most Christlike way
that I could... then he started in on me. (sarcasm is the devils tool, btw)
(bold language, but it's destructive, don't use it, you might hurt
someone you love without meaning to) So, I calmly (I used to just freak out in
those situations, I guess that's one good way I've grown) focused the direction
back to the reason for the meeting.
After it was over, this missionary and I went into the
church washroom and I just asked him how he was doing. He expressed his feeling
of inadequacy, and his honest desire to just be a good boy. He felt that he was
disappointing his God, his trainer, his ward mission leader, and Himself. He
placed his leaders on a pedestal of perfection and asked questions such as,
"What do I need to do to be more like so-and-so?" or "Why can't
I just do it as well as said-awesome-missionary?" When he was done
expressing himself, I said a silent prayer in my mind that I would be guided to
know what to say. I honestly don't remember what I did say (such, I suppose is
the nature of the spirit) but what I know is that the Spirit was there. Tears
were shed as the spirit testified of His divine worth, and potential. Somehow,
the message got across that I loved him, and that the Lord loves him. That the
Lord doesn't expect perfection, but he does expect us to try. It was beautiful
to see the Lord work so quickly.
I think one of the cruelest poisons in the world is
comparison. It is a weakness that I have, along with many other imperfections.
In our own way, we all compare ourselves with others, and we really shouldn't.
We are all at our own places in life, in our own ways and our own times. It is
good to have role-models, but when we look at our performances as failures
because of the successes of others, then we are damaging ourselves and damming
our own personal progression, because it is discouraging. We aren't perfect
beings, but we are capable of great things if we choose to believe in
ourselves.
Confidence is not the certainty of success
but rather the conclusion that failure does not determine our worth—we lose
nothing by trying.
I want you to know that I love you all. Please don't be
discouraged, know that I love you, and trust that God will take care of you.
You can trust in Him.
I know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. We are our
Father's children.
Peace, Love, and Temple Marriage. In that order.
Elder Taylor J. Hill
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